kankris-precious-booty:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

fuckingrecipes:

foxyplaydate:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS LISTEN UP.

YOU SEE THAT SHIT UP THERE THAT’S FUCKING CHOCOLATE LAVA CAKE

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A CAKE COVERED IN HOT GOOEY CHOCOLATE FROSTING IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTES? 

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS A VIKING WAR CRY AS YOU CHARGE INTO BATTLE.

STEP 1: COMPLETE A VIRGIN SACRIFICE. (SATAN MUST BE PRESENT BECAUSE THIS CAKE IS SO DELICIOUS IT’S PROBABLY A SIN.)

STEP 2: PREPARE GENERIC BOX CAKE RECIPE ACCORDING TO BOX DIRECTIONS. BACK TO THE CLASSICS MOTHERFUCKER. MIX USING THE SPINE OF YOUR ENEMIES. 

STEP 3: POUR INTO A LARGE MICROWAVESAFE CONTAINER (LARGER THE BETTER, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE DEEPER THAN THE MARIANAS TRENCH FOR OPTIMAL LAVA)

STEP 4: TAKE A SMALL TUB OF GENERIC FROSTING FROM YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET OF SIN. SWIPE A MACHETE AROUND THE INSIDE OF THE TUB LOOSENING THE WHOLE TUB FROM THE SIDES AND PLOP INTO MIDDLE OF YOUR CAKE BATTER. DO NOT MIX. 

STEP 5: PUT INTO MICROWAVE FOR EIGHT MINUTES AND SET THE TABLE USING CHINA YOU RAIDED FROM WEAKER VILLAGES. 

STEP 6: REMOVE FROM MICROWAVE AND LET SIT FOR ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS. THIS IS BEST SERVED MOLTEN LAVA HOT ACCENTUATED WITH THE TASTE OF BLISTERS ON YOUR TONGUE. 

STEP 7: GET A SERVING DISH WITH A LIP THAT CURVES UPWARD SO LAVA DOES NOT OVERFLOW AND PLACE UPSIDE DOWN ON TOP OF CAKE AND FLIP OVER.

STEP 8: LIFT SLOWLY, COOKED CAKE WILL SIT ON PLATE AND LIQUID FROSTING WILL SPILL OVER SIDES. 

STEP 9: CELEBRATE WITH VICTORY SEX. 

STEP 10: EAT. 

IF YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE GORGEOUS FUCKERS WHO DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE SEX, YOU CAN SUBSTITUTE WITH AGGRESSIVE CUDDLING OR NEON-COLORED POST-IT NOTES FULL OF ADMIRATION FOR SOMEONE’S EXISTENCE. 

did fuckingrecipes just equalize this post for the asexual population gallifrey bless fuckingrecipes