“It’s one thing to ask audiences to suspend belief for this fairy tale, and it’s a whole other thing to ask them to consider for one moment that an otherwise sane woman would be so desperate as to fall for a creature who can’t even survive on dry land–not when there are actual men in this town.”
Haha man someone tell this dude that he is not the hot commodity that he thinks he is and personally speaking I for one am eager to get away from actual men and be whisked into the loving arms of a fishman.
motherfucker you work for a video game publication in 2017 and you somehow didn’t notice that everyone and their grandpa wanted to get rawed by the giant fish man from breath of the wild
Women Would Rather Fuck Fish Than Me and Here’s Why That’s a Problem
you know that feeling when you’re on your period and you take a shower and you feel so clean and relieved and nice but then as soon as you turn the water off it’s a race against you, gravity and time
I swear the last line made it feel like the plotline of an action film
Brian Kane hacked this into the funniest thing I have seen in a while.
i have reblogged this before but have i mentioned that i love how it opens its mouth when it makes that tone that signifies that it’s ready for use? it’s small, but it’s there, and it amuses me every time
oh boy you have come to the right person i am currently shoving the first movie up my ass as we speak
basically. i would die for this movie. if captain america: the winter soldier didn’t exist, kingsman the secret service would be the best movie ever made. other than, like, wonder woman, but wonder woman doesn’t count in this argument.
so. kingsman. take james bond, remove the annoying misogyny, replace with taron “twink bottom” egerton, add in colin firth somehow pulling off sugar daddy-kill me with your fucking legs-badass spy man, sass master mom aka merlin, and a magnificent lady spy named roxy who would be my wife except she’s a lesbian and i love her too much to be a dick about it. add in the best fight scenes you can imagine.
i mean. it’s colin firth, dapper as Fuck, murdering the entire westboro baptist church. if i hadn’t been sitting next to my dad in a theatre the first time i saw that movie, i would have had the best nut of my life right then.
also, roxy and twink mcgee (eggsy, the main character, lmao) have literally no heterosexuality between them. none. it’s mlm and wlw solidarity and i love it.
also the sequel involves texans and some guy straight people wanna fuck, so like. lassos, and shit. and it also comes out on my dad’s birthday and my gay ass is 100% going to go see it, with or without him. (probably without him. i don’t want to risk screaming in a theatre)
chris evans is so fucking rank in snowpiercer. like he hasn’t showered in 17 years and he’s covered in blood and he ate babies but i am like. yeah. yeah dude. after u fuck up that frozen capitalist death train u gotta call me. he looks fucking disgusting but he is so On
a paper mache bucket ... tumblr mirror 